Klem Orrow, Fisherman“Something slapped the underside of my boat. Could’ve been Barney. Could’ve been Glen trying to spook me again. Either way, I spilled the bait.”Continue Reading

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Beanie Farsh, Wandering Minstrel“Barney and I locked eyes, briefly. It was like looking into the soul of a wet grandfather clock. I wrote a ballad. The loch applauded.”Continue Reading

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Brenna Wist, Postmistress“Spotted something large and pale just under the surface near the ferry pier. Could’ve been a rock. Could’ve been my ex-husband. But the rock seems more likely.”Continue Reading

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Elspeth Drowley, Baker“Early morning. Heard splashing. Looked up. Something was watching me from the shallows. I offered it half a scone. It declined. Politely, I think.”Continue Reading

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Gellin Trusk, Suspicious Local“No sighting, but my sheep refuse to drink from the loch now. Either Barney’s moved in or someone’s been bathing improperly.”Continue Reading

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Marnie Threlfall, Spinster & Novelist (Retired)“Just before dawn I saw a long, rippling shape moving across the water — graceful, deliberate, and terribly rude for not waving back.”Continue Reading

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By Roderick Tharn, Chief Correspondent for State Affairs After days on the run, the infamous Laura Groobee—disgraced self-styled journalist and part-time Pilates instructor of no known talent—was apprehended this morning by the Royal Constabulary in what witnesses are already calling “the sweatiest standoff in recent memory.” Groobee was discovered holedContinue Reading

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By Roderick Tharn, Chief Correspondent for State Affairs In a scene best described as olfactory warfare, a sanitary wagon belonging to the Ministry of Public Cleanliness exploded just north of Eastgate Market early Wednesday morning, launching a tremendous arc of refuse, soot, compostable confusion, and what several witnesses described asContinue Reading

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