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The Theatre of Lanterns
This is the Theatre of Lanterns, the oldest performing house in the Kingdom, and certainly the strangest. Some call it haunted. Some call it blessed. All agree it is unlike anything else in Eyehasseen.
Whispers Beneath the Fen
The Elderfen Marshes have always carried a reputation for secrets. The reeds whisper even when there is no wind, the water moves even when nothing disturbs it, and the fog lingers long after sunrise as if reluctant to surrender whatever it hides
Walking the Spine: Across the Mountains of Tarnfell
The Spine of Tarnfell is not a path; it is a test. A narrow ribbon of ancient stone walks the clouds, winding across jagged peaks and wind-carved ridges where the sky feels close enough to touch and the earth feels a lifetime away. Travelers say the Spine is where the Kingdom stands tallest and where men discover whether they, too, can stand tall.
Ambient Lute Fatigue
The Kingdom’s thriving musical culture has long been a source of communal pride, but the recent pre-festival rehearsal season has stretched public patience — and tendons — thin. Physicians report a widespread and mildly exasperating condition now known as Ambient Lute Fatigue (ALF).
Goose-Induced Panic Strain
Goose-Induced Panic Strain – GIPS, according to the Ministry’s press briefing, arises when an unsuspecting person encounters one of the Kingdom’s notoriously territorial waterfowl and reacts with an instinctive, full-bodied spasm of alarm. Symptoms include spontaneous sprinting, awkward shouting, flailing of shopping baskets, and declarations such as “I didn’t bring bread! Why do you assume I brought bread?”
Chronic Over-Tea Syndrome (COTS)
The Ministry of Health issued a gentle but unmistakably exasperated advisory this week regarding a rising condition now officially named Chronic Over-Tea Syndrome, or COTS — an ailment born not from deprivation or pestilence, but from the Kingdom’s long-standing and enthusiastic love affair with tea.
🪵 Help Wanted – First Week of Frostwane
Employment opportunities abound across the Kingdom of Eyehasseen. Apply in person unless otherwise noted. References from reputable citizens preferred.
🪵 Help Wanted – Fourth Week of Emberwane
Employment opportunities abound across the Kingdom of Eyehasseen. Apply in person unless otherwise noted. References from reputable citizens preferred.
🪵 Help Wanted – Third Week of Emberwane
Employment opportunities abound across the Kingdom of Eyehasseen. Apply in person unless otherwise noted. References from reputable citizens preferred.
Obituary: Rodger Bianchovi, 57
Former acquaintances recall him chiefly for his passionate advocacy of self-interest, his loathing of soap, and his ability to turn any gathering into an argument about “energy frequencies.” He was, for a brief and bewildering time, employed as a part-time poetry instructor at the Inverness Community Annex, from which he was dismissed after insisting students “write only in the key of Aquarius.”
EYE ON AMERICA
The Vanishing Art of Self-Respect Imagine living in a country where one feels compelled to wear their jammies and slippers in public. That, apparently, is where America now finds itself—so much so that the U.S. Transportation Secretary has publicly pleaded with travelers to stop shuffling into airports dressed for naptime. In any other era, this would be satire. In modern America, it is a press statement. There is something strangely revealing about this moment. Not because pajamas are inherently wicked, and not because one should dress like a diplomat to endure airport security—but because it speaks to a deeper cultural
EYE ON AMERICA
America has always been a generous nation, and rightly so. A wealthy republic with a vast economy ought to have a social safety net that protects its vulnerable. But generosity without vigilance is an open invitation to abuse—and nowhere is this more painfully obvious than in the unfolding welfare-fraud scandals in Minnesota.
EYE ON AMERICA
You don’t need to spend long studying geopolitics to see what’s happening. Countries all over the world — left, right, monarchies, coalitions, technocracies, and everything in between — enforce their borders. Quietly. Consistently. Without apology. They do it not because they are cruel, but because it is the bare minimum required for sovereignty.
