Edgar Blott – Charged with Improper Storage of Turnips in the Royal Fountain.
Sentence: Fined 3 aureals; ordered to scrub fountain steps while singing “Greensleeves” in falsetto.
Prudence Fairweather – Found guilty of Over-Enthusiastic Applause during the mayor’s speech (clapping 17 minutes without pause).
Sentence: Assigned to wear padded gloves at all public addresses until Advent.
Hugo Pym – Arrested for Unauthorized Deployment of Bagpipes After Midnight.
Sentence: Bagpipes confiscated; fined 5 aureals; allowed only to hum until sunrise.
Dame Winifred Tottle – Convicted of Hoarding Candles Beyond Reasonable Illumination (412 candles in a single parlor).
Sentence: Fined 8 aureals; surplus candles to be melted into one giant candle for cathedral use.
Mervyn Dottle – Cited for Intentional Overfeeding of Ducks to the Point of Menace.
Sentence: Ordered to chase ducks away for a fortnight armed only with a wooden spoon.
Clarissa Finch – Guilty of Excessive Gossip Transmission Without Verifiable Sources.
Sentence: Fined 2 aureals; required to preface all statements with “It may not be true, but…” for one month.
Roland Crick – Found guilty of Attempted Sale of Invisible Hats at Market Fair.
Sentence: Fined 6 aureals; forced to wear an actual hat labeled “VISIBLE” at all times.
Agnes Frobisher – Arrested for Failure to Maintain Proper Dignity While Operating a Wheelbarrow.
Sentence: Ordered to parade wheelbarrow through town square, bowing gravely to passersby.
Thomas “Stumpy” Gleaves – Convicted of Unlicensed Performance of Interpretive Dance in the Cathedral Nave.
Sentence: Fined 7 aureals; permitted only to shuffle discreetly during Mass.
Euphemia Blagg – Charged with Improper Use of a Herald’s Trumpet as a Soup Ladle.
Sentence: Trumpet confiscated, polished, and returned to the Herald’s Guild; soup privileges revoked for one week.
Archibald Drimm – Found guilty of Negligent Book Balancing in the Library Reading Room.
Sentence: Must shelve volumes for three days while balancing a dictionary on his head.
Lady Honoria Pluck – Cited for Unwarranted Distribution of Pies Without Accompanying Napkins.
Sentence: Fined 1 aureal; required to personally sew 300 napkins emblazoned with the town crest.