My Blog (Page 30)

By Theophilus Gant There is an old saying in Eyehasseen: “If a cart has seven drivers, the ox starves.” And yet I look at our current structure of governance and count not seven, but seventy — each holding a whip, a scroll, or a wildly inaccurate map. When was theContinue Reading

By Theophilus Gant No one wants to use the word. Least of all the Ministry of Economic Prognostication, which recently described the current downturn as a “moderate dip in consumer buoyancy.” But the signs are clear to anyone with ears, eyes, or a basket that no longer fills for fewerContinue Reading

By Theophilus Gant Theft. Vandalism. Late-night disturbances involving shouting and (on at least one occasion) an entire wheel of brie thrown in protest. The Inner Village — once a proud district of commerce and character — now finds itself plagued by a slow rot of lawlessness. Petty crime may notContinue Reading

By Theophilus Gant Every year, with the regularity of mudslides in March, the Ministry of Resource Allocation releases its annual budget scroll. It is thick. It is unreadable. It is tied with the same ribbon they used to close down the poetry school. And once again, it appears the KingdomContinue Reading

By Theophilus Gant, Editorialist Emeritus It has come to this: I spent fourteen crowns last Tuesday and walked away from the grocer with a half-loaf of rye, two bruised pears, and what I was assured was “milk-adjacent.” This, dear reader, is not an isolated incident, but rather the latest symptomContinue Reading