My Blog (Page 31)

Wanted: humble cook for small, hungry group of contemplatives. Menu is simple: stew, bread, quiet reflection. No meat on Fridays, no complaints on Mondays. References preferred, but not required if your broth speaks for itself.Continue Reading

The Hall has rats. Many rats. We have tried spells, salt, and stern letters. We now seek a more direct solution.Bring your own terrier. Pay based on tail-count.Apply via back door (don’t knock—just shout).Continue Reading

Help fulfill latest uniform order: 200 tunics, 90 sashes, and 14 regrettable hats.Must be comfortable working with scratchy wool and vague measurements.Deadline is next harvest moon or before the next parade, whichever surprises us first.Continue Reading

Help needed for ploughing, mucking, fencing, mending, lifting, milking, and occasionally holding chickens “just so.”Board included, meals negotiable. You will not get rich. But you will get strong.Ask for Ma Liddy at dawn or dusk, never noon.Continue Reading

Job involves pacing things, noting things, and asking if walls are leaning “more than yesterday.” Ideal for those fond of clipboards and muttering.Training provided. Preferably not afraid of heights, moats, or rhetorical questions.Apply to Engineer Rolversson at Fort Planter, western slope.Continue Reading

Good hand with tools? Tolerant of splinters? Not allergic to varnish?Master Tellen seeks a new apprentice, as the last one has “run off to join a traveling music ensemble.”Room in loft, food shared. Bring your own hammer or borrow until you can afford one.Continue Reading

Wanted: responsible person to light and extinguish lamps at appointed times, occasionally shooing away youths attempting poetry by moonlight.No known fear of the dark. Must enjoy walking. Rain happens.Pension included after 30 years of service or upon turning to soot, whichever comes first.Continue Reading

The Royal Navy seeks strong backs and weaker minds to hoist things, row in time, and not ask questions about what’s in the barrel.Meals, mild danger, and occasional singing included. No chronic landsickness.Report to the harbormaster. Bonus if you bring your own boots.Continue Reading

Position open for quiet, nimble-souled assistant to shelve volumes, fetch tea, and discourage young philosophers from quoting Heraclitus again.Lifting required. Latin helpful but not mandatory; ability to keep a secret is.Room provided in upper garret. Smells faintly of parchment and existential dread.Continue Reading

Reliable washer-person needed thrice weekly. Duties include laundering ceremonial trousers, starching various banners, and pretending not to overhear state secrets.Discretion essential. Pay is punctual, if not generous. Inquire with Housekeeper Alda. Knock four times, then once more firmly.Continue Reading