A surprisingly persistent summertime ailment has spread across the Kingdom: Perpetual Picnic Cramp, a condition caused not by food poisoning or heat exposure but by the simple act of sitting for hours on blankets while consuming heroic quantities of cured meats and cheeses.Continue Reading

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Celebrity Death

Every violent death is, in principle, avoidable. That simple truth ought to steady us whenever tragedy intrudes upon the public square. Death always leaves behind a circle of grief, for family, friends, and those bound by love or duty, and it is fitting, even obligatory, to express condolences for the loss of life and for the sorrow of those who mourn.Continue Reading

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Hay Sneezing

Farmers across the Kingdom insist it is “a perfectly ordinary year,” yet infirmaries report a notable rise in seasonal hay-related sneezing, congestion, and watery eyes. The Ministry of Health has begun informally referring to the phenomenon as The Great Hay-Sneezing Event, an unofficial but widely understood title.Continue Reading

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Once again, the United States commits itself to sustaining a proxy war in Ukraine, pouring arms, intelligence, and cash into a conflict with no clear end and no serious public accounting of what “victory” even means. Once again, it offers unconditional backing to Israel as civilian casualties mount to levels that would provoke outrage—sanctions, even—if inflicted by any officially disfavored state. Continue Reading

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Elbow to the Door

by Health and Fitness Staff A curious uptick in bruises, sprains, and sheepish clinic visits has prompted the Ministry of Health to officially recognize a rising condition: Elbow-to-Door Syndrome (EDS). The ailment stems from a trend sweeping Inverness and several outlying towns — citizens attempting to open heavy oak doorsContinue Reading

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