Bartholomew Cress – Found guilty of Overuse of the Town Crier for Personal Announcements (six proclamations of his lost spectacles).
Sentence: Fined 4 aureals; must wear spectacles on a chain about his neck for life.
Mabel Thatch – Charged with Aggressive Knitting in a Public Thoroughfare.
Sentence: Ordered to knit only within designated “wool zones” for a fortnight.
Erasmus Blindle – Convicted of Mislabeling Ale as “Holy Water” during parish fete.
Sentence: Fined 6 aureals and required to serve only weak tea at future events.
Sibyl Droome – Cited for Unnecessary Screaming During Market Haggling.
Sentence: Fined 2 aureals; must haggle in whispers for the next three market days.
Gregory Dapple – Guilty of Failure to Maintain Proper Mustache Curvature.
Sentence: Must attend daily grooming sessions with the Royal Barber until whiskers are deemed symmetrical.
Constance Nibb – Arrested for Distribution of Leaflets Written Entirely in Riddles.
Sentence: Fined 3 aureals; sentenced to compose ten straightforward leaflets beginning with “Dear Reader.”
Oliver Strout – Found guilty of Attempted Bribery with Pastry (one custard tart offered to constable).
Sentence: Tart confiscated and eaten; fined 5 aureals.
Hester Ploom – Convicted of Improper Use of a Weather Vane for Divination Purposes.
Sentence: Ordered to attend one month of sanctioned meteorology lectures.
Tobias Crank – Cited for Overzealous Window Shuttering (nailing them closed during daylight).
Sentence: Fined 1 aureal; shutters to be pried open under constable observation.
Philomena Tress – Guilty of Carrying Excessive Poultry on Public Omnibus.
Sentence: Fined 7 aureals; allowed only two hens per ride henceforth.
Osbert Mews – Arrested for Improper Deployment of a Drum Corps at a Funeral.
Sentence: Drum confiscated; must clap hands solemnly at all funerals for one year.
Clarence Gubbins – Convicted of Unauthorized Use of the Bishop’s Mitre as a Soup Tureen.
Sentence: Mitre cleaned and returned; fined 10 aureals; soup privileges suspended until Epiphany.
Dulcinea Wagg – Charged with Reckless Overuse of the Word “Indeed” in Tavern Conversation.
Sentence: Fined 1 aureal; must substitute “perhaps” or “quite so” for thirty days.
Roderick Pottle – Found guilty of Illicit Operation of a Puppet Show Without Moving the Puppets.
Sentence: Fined 2 aureals; ordered to attend remedial puppet-animating classes.
Magda Crill – Convicted of Unlawful Deployment of a Parasol Indoors, Causing General Alarm.
Sentence: Parasol folded; fined 3 aureals; required to issue a formal apology to all startled attendees.