Positions open to the diligent, the daring, and the moderately bewildered. All applicants must supply their own lunch, optimism, and pen.
1. Keeper of the Royal Keys (Assistant Grade)
Assist the Master of Keys in cataloging which keys open which doors—preferably without testing them all.
Apply: Palace Sub-basement, Room of Locks, whisper “Authorized Entry.”
2. Seasonal Leaf Sweeper (Autumnal Term)
Collect fallen leaves in the public squares before they are blown, burned, or worshipped.
Apply: Department of Public Tidiness, Garden Gate, before sunrise.
3. Clockwork Mouse Operator
Wind and monitor experimental mechanical rodents used in scientific pursuits. Must not become emotionally attached.
Apply: Academy of Unnatural Studies, Laboratory 2C.
4. Fog Signal Hornist
Sound the harbor horn at intervals no longer than forty heartbeats during heavy fog. Lung capacity testing mandatory.
Apply: Harbor Signal Tower, third spiral staircase on right.
5. Brewery Night Porter
Guard the kegs from unauthorized sampling. Tolerance for darkness, ghosts, and temptation required.
Apply: Old Malt House, East Wharf, knock four times.
6. Minor Bard (Relief Position)
Provide music in taverns during bardic absences. Must own an instrument, or convincingly pretend to.
Apply: Guild of Minstrels, Table 3, mid-afternoon.
7. Royal Map Folder
Fold large maps back into their intended dimensions without tears, profanity, or existential crisis.
Apply: Cartographer’s Archive, Room 5½.
8. Inspector of Puddles
Observe and report puddle behavior after rainfall: depth, spread, and possible aquatic life.
Apply: Bureau of Environmental Curiosities, second floor window (weather permitting).
9. Night Librarian’s Assistant
Fetch scrolls from upper shelves for the Night Librarian, who refuses to climb ladders after the incident.
Apply: Library of Whispering Tomes, Lower Door, softly after bell nine.
10. Deputy Taster for the Office of Bread
Sample civic loaves for quality, legality, and piety. Must describe flavors without poetry.
Apply: Bakers’ Guildhouse, Flour Street, speak to Mistress Kneadwell.
11. Keeper of the Clockmaker’s Cat
Feed, entertain, and prevent feline interference with precision machinery. Prior experience with cats preferred but futile.
Apply: Clockmaker’s Residence, Alley of Small Noises.
12. Apprentice Bellfounder
Assist in pouring molten bronze into molds. Resistance to heat and cursing beneficial.
Apply: Bellworks Foundry, end of Hammer Lane.
13. Hall of Echoes Attendant
Guide visitors and discourage shouting contests. Sensitive ears a plus.
Apply: Ministry of Acoustical Affairs, under the old amphitheater.
14. Scarecrow Repair Technician
Re-straw and repaint neglected scarecrows throughout the realm. Familiarity with crows advantageous.
Apply: Agricultural Supply Depot, Field Gate.
15. Assistant to the Ministry of Unsent Letters
Sort, categorize, and sometimes read letters never posted. Strict confidentiality and emotional restraint essential.
Apply: Ministry of Unsent Letters, Attic Level, door marked “Maybe.”