By Jasper Finch, Military & Institutions Columnist
Behind the polished parade uniforms, the Royal Marching Band, and the elaborate salutes lies one of the Kingdom’s most complex bureaucracies: the Ministry of War & Conflict. Charged with overseeing everything from active defense to historical battle reenactments, the Ministry may be the most misunderstood office in all of Eyehasseen.
“Everyone thinks it’s just swords and shouting,” said Undersecretary Lorrim Quail, leaning over a stack of deployment paperwork. “But honestly, most of our work involves quills, maps, and arguing about footwear allowances.”
The Ministry is divided into several subdivisions, including the Royal Army, Royal Navy, War College, Office of Martial Records, and the Bureau of Fortifications. The newest, the Division of Unconventional Warfare, is said to have “no standing headquarters” and “extremely flexible uniforms.”
Recent projects include a multi-region training exercise entitled “Operation Mudslide” and the controversial proposal to reintroduce messenger pigeons (“cheaper than couriers, more polite than ravens”).
While many know the Ministry through its grand parades and regimental marches, fewer are aware of the Order of the Fallen Vigil, a solemn division responsible for the burial and remembrance of Eyehasseen’s war dead. The Order maintains over 700 cairns, monuments, and engraved stones across the Kingdom.
Despite its martial associations, the Ministry is said to hold the highest tea budget of any government body, and its breakroom banter is renowned. “We may plan for war,” said Lieutenant Forn Meller, “but we live for biscuits.”