Filed by the Constabulary Office, Inverness Division
1. Improper Use of Pudding as Weapon
Incident at the Eastgate Market involving a custard-based altercation between two rival trifle vendors. One arrested; one sticky.
2. Attempted Bribery with Extremely Old Coins
Shopkeeper reported being offered “King Ernwick-era currency” in exchange for cabbage. Suspect claimed sentimental value. Charges pending.
3. Unlicensed Bell-Ringing After Dusk
Resident of Larkvale cited for repeated ringing of what she called “a personal reflection chime.” Bell confiscated.
4. Livestock Recklessness (Goat in Crate)
Loose goat discovered navigating North Saddle’s high street in a vegetable crate on wheels. No owner claimed responsibility. Goat remains at large.
5. Public Reading of Sad Poetry Without Permit
Individual detained in Hollowpine for reciting 17 stanzas about seasonal loneliness on church steps. Audience reportedly “moderately affected.”