By Elwin Tarmouth, Field Correspondent
A recent surge in feral dog incidents has cast a shadow over the otherwise dignified operations of the Office of Postal Affairs, as several postaliers reported being pursued, barked at, or outright tackled by unrestrained mongrels during routine delivery rounds.
The most serious encounter occurred in the Outer Green of Glenholm, where a well-regarded senior postman, Mr. Merle Swithers, was forced to climb atop a compost barrel while clutching a sack of letters and softly reciting Psalm 23 until help arrived.
“I respect dogs,” Swithers stated. “But this one had teeth like scythes and eyes like unresolved paperwork.”
The Royal Constabulary has issued a general plea for citizens to secure their canines, particularly during morning deliveries. “We understand your enthusiasm for livestock guardianship,” said Lt. Gerda Pell of the Animal Harmony Unit, “but when your animal has begun sorting the mail with its teeth, the line has been crossed.”
The Ministry of the Populi reminds all dog-owners of Ordinance 72.B, which states plainly:
“No beast, domestic or speculative, shall obstruct the Post unless wearing a clearly visible tag and possessing a calm disposition.”
A memo from the Postmaster-General added: “If your mongrel bites a letter-carrier, do not offer tea. Offer a leash—and an apology.”