Ministry of Agriculture & Garden Ethics
Spring Directive Issued: Carrots Yes, Rhubarb “Proceed With Caution”
The Ministry of Agriculture & Garden Ethics has issued its annual Spring Cultivation Directive, guiding citizens across the Kingdom in their planting priorities, hedgerow comportment, and general botanical disposition.
Highlights include:
- Carrots encouraged, especially along sloping plots and near contemplative benches.
- Rhubarb cultivation limited to those with proper documentation, due to last year’s overzealous pie flooding in Lower Crosspond.
- Lavender now officially recognized as both ornamental and diplomatic. May be used in border gardens as a sign of peace or politely concealed tension.
- Gourd stacking contests reclassified as ceremonial, and thus subject to bunting regulations.
Deputy Secretary Clove reminds all planters: “Let not thy mulch become thy master. Turn the soil with purpose and prune with compassion.”
Enforcement begins Fifthday. As always, compost politely.