Rulings and fines issued this week by the Court of Gentle Correction
- Miss P. Thimbleton – Fined 1 aureal for unlicensed public hymn whistling
- Mr. Groff Widders – Ordered to repaint fence after attempting “experimental plaid” finish
- Dame Celia Wraw – Pardoned for overuse of floral metaphors in legal correspondence
- J. Dapplehorse – Cautioned for riding his bicycle through the whispering zone
- The Hon. F. Ludgins – Admonished for describing bunting as “pointless triangles”
- Unnamed Youth – Fined for selling “certified relics” made of toast
- Mr. L. Groten – Remanded for false report; ordered to take a civics class taught by marmots
- B. Nibbs – Required to remove wind chimes that played “O Fortuna” at full volume
- Mrs. Gartrude Flanch – Officially warned for brewing unofficial cider
- Two goats – Confiscated from theatre after repeated heckling of Hamlet production
- R. Bumbersquint – Citation for excessive curtsy during minor ceremony
- Constable M. Doon – Apologized for overzealous parade whistle usage
- L. Pritchett – Cautioned for describing Queen’s Punt as “tippy” in public
- T. & J. Sligg – Required to take a flag-folding course after chaotic banner retrieval
- Vicar Blorne – Issued written reminder that “Incense is not a smoke alarm”
- Gerald of the Post – Given a commendation for enduring four barking incidents and a rooster
- M. Featherstone – Pardoned after “accidental hedging into neighbor’s prize lettuce”
- E. Spindlehook – Citation for establishing a one-man footpath tollbooth
- N. Quilt – Required to label herbs accurately after “surprise parsley incident”
- Unknown individual – Reward offered for safe return of Council’s ceremonial shoehorn