By Theophilus Gant, Editorialist Emeritus
There was a time — not so long ago, mind you — when queuing was a silent ballet of civility. One stood, one waited, one moved forward when moved upon. That was the way of things. One did not question the queue. One respected it, as one respects fog, tax collectors, and vengeful cousins.
But lately, I fear the very soul of the queue is under threat.
Take yesterday’s debacle outside the post office. Two lines formed simultaneously, each claiming to be the queue. A heated debate ensued. One woman refused to stand in either line, citing “spiritual independence.” Another joined both. A third began selling tea to those stuck between the two, which I’ll admit showed admirable initiative.
The Ministry of Queue Harmony (est. 973) issued a statement that “organic queue bifurcation is a recognized regional phenomenon.” I asked what that meant. They said they’d get back to me. I’m still waiting. Probably in a line.
Queues, dear reader, are the skeleton of society — without them, we collapse into noisy piles of elbows and bad decisions. We must protect the queue. Enforce it. Respect it.
Or at the very least, decide which blasted end is the front.