Help Wanted

The frost is gone, the rivers run, and citizens again remember the discomforts of honest labor. All applicants must bring their own boots and a working sense of direction. 1. Riverbank Stabilizer Rebuild the banks of the River Aram after winter erosion. Preference given to those unafraid of mud, leeches,Continue Reading

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Map Squint Stain

by Health and Fitness Staff Since unveiling the Kingdom’s latest official map — a beautifully detailed, finely inked rendering of Eyehasseen and its twelve provinces — opticians across the realm have noticed a predictable but avoidable problem: Excessive Map-Consultation Squint. The map, widely praised for its artistry, contains extraordinarily preciseContinue Reading

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A surprisingly persistent summertime ailment has spread across the Kingdom: Perpetual Picnic Cramp, a condition caused not by food poisoning or heat exposure but by the simple act of sitting for hours on blankets while consuming heroic quantities of cured meats and cheeses.Continue Reading

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Celebrity Death

Every violent death is, in principle, avoidable. That simple truth ought to steady us whenever tragedy intrudes upon the public square. Death always leaves behind a circle of grief, for family, friends, and those bound by love or duty, and it is fitting, even obligatory, to express condolences for the loss of life and for the sorrow of those who mourn.Continue Reading

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Hay Sneezing

Farmers across the Kingdom insist it is “a perfectly ordinary year,” yet infirmaries report a notable rise in seasonal hay-related sneezing, congestion, and watery eyes. The Ministry of Health has begun informally referring to the phenomenon as The Great Hay-Sneezing Event, an unofficial but widely understood title.Continue Reading

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