Issued by the Office of Seasonal Harmony and Aesthetic Governance
In response to an uptick in both complaints and admiration concerning the recent proliferation of decorative gourds on porches, fence posts, and public benches throughout the Kingdom, the Council has enacted Ordinance No. 1442-B to provide clarity, visual cohesion, and seasonal moderation.
Effective immediately, the following guidelines shall govern the public display of decorative gourds:
- Gourd Quantity
No household may display more than five gourds in publicly viewable arrangements unless granted a Special Autumnal Exuberance Waiver by the Ministry of Sensible Displays. - Gourd Configuration
Gourds may be stacked, nestled, or staggered, but never weaponized, hollowed, nor arranged to resemble seditious vegetables (e.g., anthropomorphic turnips). Gourds may be seated beside scarecrows provided the scarecrows are in good standing. - Gourd Colouration
Gourds of green, gold, rust, or cream are permitted. Painted gourds must be tasteful, non-glittered, and must not depict historical figures, woodland creatures mid-scream, or abstract impressions of council members. - Gourd Accompaniment
Hay bales, autumnal leaves, and ornamental corn are permissible companions. However, musical gourds, animatronic pumpkins, or anything that emits a laugh when approached must be approved by the Quiet Council. - Nighttime Illumination
Gourds may be gently lit after dusk, but no flickering, pulsing, or disco-inspired illumination shall be allowed without prior authorization from the Royal Candlemaster. - Gourd Duration
Decorative gourds must be displayed no earlier than Late Gleaning 3rd and must be respectfully retired (not kicked, smashed, or converted into soup for unrelated animals) no later than First Frost 10th. - Penalty for Noncompliance
Violators will receive a Courteous Warning Scroll tied to their largest offending gourd. Repeat infractions may result in gourd confiscation and reassignment to the Community Composting & Conversation Circle.
The purpose of this ordinance is not to stifle festivity, but to ensure that seasonal exuberance does not descend into horticultural chaos. Let your gourds speak gently, friends—not shout across the hedgerows.