Dear Times-Observer,
I took part in the recent tug-of-war at the Day of Reasonable Triumph. I was not informed that we were not meant to win. I now find myself in possession of half the rope, a moral quandary, and a sore back. Kindly advise.
— Respectfully, Embert Tallow, North Saddle
Editor,
The sign near the post office now reads: “Please form one queue, unless a second queue seems spiritually necessary.” This sort of ambiguity is what leads to dual sermons and overlapping bake sales. We must restore order.
— With civic alarm, Hester Blant, Inverness Central
Esteemed Sirs,
I have read your newspaper cover to cover each week and must ask: Why is no one reporting on the overpopulation of hedgehogs near the canal? I have counted seventeen. They are plotting something.
— Vigilantly, Trillip Deem, West Gate District