The Long Arm of the Law Has Elbows.

  • Incidents Reported Across the Realm, in No Particular Order of Alarm

    1. Unauthorized Maypole Practice – Bramble Hollow
    Constable Findle was summoned to the village green after reports of suspicious twirling. A group of six were found rehearsing maypole dances three weeks ahead of the permitted festival date. Their ribbons were confiscated and replaced with stern pamphlets on seasonal obedience. No charges filed.

    2. Disturbance by Choir Goose – Lower Nibbs
    Residents lodged multiple complaints about a goose “joining in” with choir rehearsals at St. Gwendolyn’s Church. The bird, believed to be self-trained, had developed a fondness for alto harmonies but refused to stay on pitch. Relocated to a quiet pond. Choir morale remains divided.

    3. Theft of an Imaginary Item – Upper Whindle
    A philosophical disagreement escalated into an official complaint when Mr. Bartholemew Snagg accused a neighbor of “stealing his idea for a triangular wheel.” Upon investigation, no physical object was discovered, but the neighbor admitted to “feeling like he had thought of it too.” Matter settled over tea.

    4. Suspicious Behavior in the Bookshop – Inverness
    Miss Lila Threpp was questioned after spending four hours rearranging the poetry section into her own preferred emotional sequence (“Despair, Resentment, Longing, Sudden Bird”). No theft occurred. Books were returned to alphabetical order. Miss Threpp received a cautionary bookmark and was invited to lecture at the library.

    5. Milk Theft Foiled by Cow – Widdersham Farm
    Farmer Gregor reported that his prize cow, Tulip, thwarted an attempted theft by sitting squarely atop the thief’s satchel and mooing with strategic volume. Suspect fled, sans dairy. Tulip has been awarded a neckbell and the honorary title of Moo-jor. Investigation ongoing.